Project 313 – Post No. 031

As a result of European Union rules regarding privacy and disclosure, you might be getting bombarded with notices about changing privacy policies terms and revisions. This from companies who for years have been taking advantage of you and your propensity to not read said privacy policies to begin with. 

Pretty much, all of the notices will be worded as if they are doing you a favor. Things like “simplify” and “improving” will be thrown around, and companies will employ carefully worded language to make it seem as if they are your friends . . . but they are not your friends. Not one of them; not now, not at any time in the past, and not in the future. 

Let me step back a moment and tell you something about translation programs; programs that take a phrase in your language and translate it to the equivalent phrase in another language. 

At first glance, this is amazing . . . unless you know both languages, in which case you’re not all that amazed. More like appalled. 

If you are underprivileged and only know one language, you can test out the efficacy of the translation by doing what is known as a round-trip translation. Basically, translate your English phrase into any of the other forty-plus available languages, and then translate it back into English. (Note: if you’re British, you might not notice a difference because — let’s face it — you folks don’t speak right, to begin with.)

What you immediately note is the phrase doesn’t translate back accurately. The more complicated the phrase, the more it’s likely to get messed up. So, for instance, “I eat” will translate into io mangio” in Italian and back to “I eat” in English. But, if you have a more complicated or nuanced phrase like “while I slept my spirit soared” you will get “mentre dormivo il mio spirito volò in alto” but if you translate that back into English you get “while I was sleeping my spirit flew up” which isn’t quite what the original conveyed. 

If you really want to have fun, take a phrase or famous saying and feed it through six or seven sequential translation — from one language to another to another, and so on — and then back to English. The results can be hilarious. For instance, the above phrase passed through four different languages (Italian, Bosnian, Icelandic, Japanese and back to English) ends up as “my soul fell when I got to sleep” which is definitively not what you originally said. 

I mention all this because I’m now going to offer a plain English translation of the Google notice I received regarding their updates to their privacy policy which — according to them — is now 100% geared to preserving your privacy and gives you the power to limit what is being collected. 

Dear product we sell and market as packaged chopped meat: we have updated our privacy policy because of our desire to avoid massive fines. This new and improved privacy policy will continue to abuse the trust you place in us and intrude into every portion of your life.  I mean, it will seem like we’re making improvements to the horrific way we previously violated your privacy and sold you as if you were a piece of processed cheese, but in actuality, we’ll still be doing the same thing because that’s how we make money. I mean, we’ll say we’re doing it so that we can provide you with free content, but really, are you that naive? The free content is there to lure you in so that we may collect your data, learn your deepest secrets and habits and sell that information to companies that also say they have your best interest in mind as they bombard you with ads about stuff you don’t want but may be pressured into buying. It’s what we do, and let’s face it, deep down you want us to cater to needs you might not even know you have. Thank you, and click on.”

. . . I really should charge for this “free” service, but I can’t be bothered to set up a payment method because I just saw an ad for new Firefly merchandise. 

And now, the photo:

Project 313 031

You can’t tell, but that photo was edited to remove an ugly dark stain on the deck (the rotting remnants of a previous flower). The flower itself is long dead and is now, in fact, a stain on the deck. I’ll probably do a quick post showing the original and the finished product. 

Anyway, I’m pleased with how that turned out. That, again, is a photo from the Samsung Note 8 processed in Lightroom, then Photoshop, and then Topaz Studio and finally the Digital Frames adjustment in Studio. 

It sounds like a lot of work, and in this case, it was a bit more bother than usual because of the editing. However, as a rule, these photos take no more than 3-4 minutes to go from original to the finished framed product. Most only take a minute or so if I can use one of the presets I saved. 

The joke reflects one of my problems with buying used stuff. It’s also a problem when I want to sell my own stuff (like I did when we moved) because people aren’t used to paying fair prices for quality stuff because the assumption is (often with justification) that people are lying or hiding something. 

It’s also the reason we had accumulated as much stuff as we ended up with . . . it was all perfectly good and nice stuff that no one would buy used for what it was worth.

I was a bit more hard-nosed during the sales we had before moving. If anyone offered much less than what I thought was reasonable, I preferred giving it away to someone else who would appreciate it and get nothing for it. Weird, no? It’s how I roll.

Continuing my theme from the last few posts . . . I give you Not As Dark Visions

Not As Dark Visions

And . . . that’s it

Some of these posts will likely be longer as the mood hits me, but most will be thus; short, uninteresting, bland, and relentless.

You can read about Project 313 HERE.

That’s it. This post has ended . . . except for the stuff below.


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. . .  my FP ward  . . . chieken shit.

Finally, if you interpret anything on this blog as me asking or wanting pity, sympathy, or complaining about my life, or asking for help and advice, know you’re  likely missing my subtle mix of irony, sarcasm, and humor.