Hawai’i – The Coconut Lie

It all started with Monthy Python and the Holy Grail. 

No, wait . . . the lie predates the movie. Every man-on-a-deserted-island cartoon I ever saw drew coconuts that looked like this:

Well, not exactly like that . . . they drew them whole, but still looking like this, with the familiar bowling-ball-like indentations.

Those are, in fact, coconut seeds . . . although even that is confusing because they are still called coconuts. 

Here, I’ll let this guy explain.

I can’t credit the second of these next two photos/graphics because there is no copyright markings on it like there is on the first. I found then both on a forum. If the rightful owner comes forth and objects of their use here, I will pull them.

I mention all this because I’ve been looking for coconuts . . . wild coconuts, and I naively looked for the familiar store-bought version. You know, the one that is actually a seed. 

Once I looked into it, I quickly realized my mistake. 

“Wait just a second, Bob! Didn’t you see all sorts of trees with actual coconuts on them?”

Well, yeah, but I was just casually looking, and not paying a whole lot of attention. 

“OK, I can almost buy that given your limited cranial capacity. But, why were you looking for coconuts?”

Well, I wanted to draw on them. 

“Say, what?”

I wanted to grab a coconut and draw on it so that I could use it as a decor piece. Once I knew what I was looking for, I grabbed these two (one dried, one still immature — both had fallen from the same tree).

Just to show how naive I can sometimes be, I asked a local if it was OK to pick up coconuts. They looked at me kind of strange and I took that to mean “yes”.

By the way, on the second or third day here I snapped this photo at the Old Kona Airport park . . . 

This is akin to the man on a deserted island cartoon . . . someone sitting under a palm tree. As an engineer, the first thing I thought when I saw this was that if Newton had sat under a palm tree instead of an apple tree we would still be trying to figure out this “gravity” thing. 

Anyway, here are a couple of more views of “my” coconut. 

I named it “Canvas”. Canvas is roughly 15″ long, and each of the three sides is about 6″ or usable surface area. 

Since I only have Canvas, all my drawings attempts entailed me erasing and cleaning the coconut before doing a new one. This took a while, Bob.

I was not happy with my first attempt . . . a beach scene.

By the way, you can click on the photos for a larger version which will open up in a new tab or window.

Anyway, I was mostly un-thrilled with my efforts. I mean, I know I’m not an artist, but I thought I should have been able to do better. Thus, I set out to do a ship. I thought that would play well as a design on a coconut. However, I had to wait for a little bit since a gecko came to check things out.

Once he (she?) left, I quickly drew a simple ship . . . 

I was not happy with this version, so I tried drawing a B&W version (I have a number of No. 2 pencils) . . . 

It’s actually fairly easy drawing on coconuts with a pencil. I was going for a scrimshaw look, but I was also not too pleased with this since the design did not harmonize with Canvas. 

After cleaning Canvas — graphite is difficult to clean from coconuts, I learned — I drew s slightly smaller version using my sepia pencils. Bet you didn’t know they made sepia No. 2 pencils. 

I kind of rushed it because we had to go to the gym (yes, we finally found and joined a gym), but I thought it turned out pretty well. Plus, sepia drawings are easier to clean.

I needed a clean Canvas because my next attempt was more ambitious . . . a color drawing. I was not sure what to pick but inspiration came from the many hibiscus flowers around the premises. 

I really should have used one of the smoother faces. That crescent-like feature creates nothing but problems. 

I was actually pleased with the effort and decided to get really ambitious . . . a mask.

Again, I was rather pleased with it, but it consisted of simple patterns and shapes. Wanting to challenge myself, I decided to draw Disney’s Cinderella castle at night with fireworks going off. This took me almost ten minutes, so you know I put in some sweat and tears into it. 

I don’t know . . . you can sort-of see the castle, but the fireworks are lost in the husk of the coconut.

Not sure what drove me to think “selfie”, but that’s what I decided to tackle next. 

You see the problem, right? I drew the eyes too big. No way was I going to fit my whole face on what remained of Canvas. Once more discouraged, I decided to return to what worked: boats. Only, this time, I wanted a sailboat. 

I labored in avoiding the big features on Canvas, but I think I used too much yellow. Still, much better than a fantasy castle as far as coconut decorations go. 

But, what I really wanted was something Hawai’ian . . . This was my first attempt . . . 

I was really happy with this. My drawing skills were improving by the minute . . . still, that could have been Texas. They have palm trees there. Or, maybe even Palm Springs. Sure, I drew lava in the foreground, but unless I tell you that — which I just did — you would never differentiate between it and Galveston Bay.

Nope, I needed something even more Hawai’ian than a row of palm trees. Only one thing I could think of . . . 

Yes! I even managed to incorporate the bothersome crescent shape, making it look as if the guy is surfing down its face. 

But, that too is a lie. I don’t surf. I don’t plan to ever surf. No, I needed something that was tied to me, to who I am, to what I do. There was only one possible solution. 

That’s gonna look good in our lanai . . . 

That’s it. This post has ended . . . except for the stuff below.

Disclosure: It occurs to me that I might have given the impression that I physically drew those scenes on the coconut. That’s understandable since I actually said I drew those scenes on the coconut. I was being politician-like in my description. You know, embellishing the accomplishments I made up whole cloth. These are some of the base figures I used and mapped onto the coconut face.  

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Astute persons might have noticed these doodles, and correctly surmised they hold some significance for me, and perhaps for humanity at large.  

If you click on the doodle, and nothing happens, this is the link it’s supposed to go to: https://disperser.wordpress.com/2011/12/26/palm-vx-and-i/.

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