150 Word Story

Earlier today I served as Beta Reader for a honest-to-goodness writer. Yes, a published AND award-winning writer.

I’m not joking; she put out a call for fast Beta Readers as she had a 150 words science fiction story to put out today. I got to read it and comment on it. No, I will not drop names, as I have no personal contact with the writer; I was just a name that happen to answer the call. 

I liked the story, and made a couple of comments (difficult without knowing the context of the project).

BUT . . . it got me thinking about writing my own 150 word story (the exact number of words in the story below). I had a few minutes before dinner, and . . . 

My 150 Word Story

Copyright E. J. D’Alise, 2014

BJ tracked the target, waiting for it to get clear of the sapling between them.

He froze when it looked like the motion attracted the rabbit’s attention. Holding motionless, BJ even stopped breathing. Those ears were not just for show; even downwind, they’d pick up the slightest noise.

False alarm.

He kept the crosshairs on the rabbit’s chest until he had a shot. He fired, but before he could enjoy thoughts of tasty rabbit stew, he shielded his eyes as the rabbit literally exploded.

A mechanized leg landed not three feet from him.

Another government spy drone!

Getting up, he walked over to the remnants of the robot. He kicked it, his anger somewhat abating with the release of frustration.

“It’s getting harder and harder to find real game, what with all these spy robots around!”

His words were picked up by the high-gain microphone on the squirrel above him.

The End

I wrote and edited it in about 20 minutes (having to cut 27 words from it), and since I don’t have Beta Readers, I’m just asking for opinions of them who pass by and chance upon this. My thanks to them who do.

No, no one is going to publish it, use it, or otherwise pay me for it.

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Note: if you are not reading this blog post at Disperser.Wordpress.com, know that it has been copied without permission, and likely is being used by someone with nefarious intention, like attracting you to a malware-infested website.  Could be they also torture small mammals.

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Please, if you are considering bestowing me recognition beyond commenting below, refrain from doing so.  I will decline blogger-to-blogger awards.   I appreciate the intent behind it, but I prefer a comment thanking me for turning you away from a life of crime, religion, or making you a better person in some other way.  That would mean something to me.

If you wish to know more, please read below.

About awards: Blogger Awards
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Note: to those who may click on “like”, or rate the post; if you do not hear from me, know that I am sincerely appreciative, and I thank you for noticing what I do.

. . .  my FP ward  . . . chieken shit.

About disperser

Odd guy with odd views living an odd life during odd times.
This entry was posted in Flash Fiction, Science Fiction, Short Stories, Stuff, Writing Stuff and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 150 Word Story

  1. sandra getgood says:

    That was brilliant. I figured this was not a story I was going to be crazy about, with the main character going around shooting fluffy little bunnies (and right before Easter, I might add!) but in 150 words, you not only turned me right around, you had my full interest. And, as usual, I wanted to know what happened next! As I say, brilliant!

    Like

  2. AnnMarie says:

    I’m always impressed by how you take what you’ve learned and know and turn it into a story. It’s quite a talent.

    Like

    • disperser says:

      Thanks . . . I also noticed you made a mini run through a bunch of posts, and left comments. I’ll probably only reply to a few as I imagine that although I mean it, I’ll get tired of writing ‘thank you’.

      Like

      • AnnMarie says:

        I know that you read all the comments and, as you mentioned above and in our conversations, you don’t need to respond to all of them since I do tend, as you wrote, to read your posts in mini marathons.

        Like

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