Back On The Writing Prompt Path

Conrad is back blogging, and while I missed a couple of writing prompts, I decided to respond to the one from today.  I had a shortened lunch, and wrote the following in about 20 minutes, while (whilst, for the folks across the pond) scarfing down my food.

It’s about setting the hook into the reader by presenting an interesting opening.  You can read the prompt itself by clicking on the link.  My contribution should be the first comment below the post, but I’ll recreate it here for those too lazy to click on the link.

Writing Prompt #56: Where is your hook matey?

The torn shirt and exposed shoulder drew Nick’s eyes. More important, the visible machinery beneath the torn skin had Nick miss her plea.

“Pardon?” He asked, lifting his eyes to her perfectly formed face.

“Please, help me.” The flat voice contrasted the intent of the plea.

She turned as a car braked hard to stop just short of Nick’s garage. Standing at his front door, Nick could only see two of the three men who got out. The girl, or whatever it was, backed against the wall to the side the door frame, speaking another “Please” as she did so.

The third man came into view, and advanced toward machine-girl, reaching a hand out as he did so.

“Please step back, sir. We’re from the government.”

His hand grabbed the girl’s elbow, and pulled. She resisted. With obvious anger and a snarl, he pulled roughly from the wall. Nick noticed one of her nails broke against the wall she was trying to hold on to.

“Let her go.” Nick spoke calmly.

The man turned toward him. “This does not concern you, old man. Get back in the house.”

The other two men were reaching inside their jackets. Nick was faster. The Ruger Alaskan, the gun he carried on hikes, appeared in his hand. “Don’t!” he said, as he pointed it in their direction.

The man let go of the girl, who dropped to the ground. “You are making a big mistake!” His voice was almost a growl, and Nick could tell he was judging the distance between them.

“Maybe, but you are on my property, showed me no badges, and are assaulting my guest.” Nick had moved slightly back and to the side. He could see all three men, and they were all tense. Understandable, given the cannon pointed their way. “I’m within my rights to shoot you right now”.

The man relaxed a bit, and stood straight. “I don’t know who you are, but as of this moment you are a dead man.”

The three shots echoed against the hillside, the sound dispersing in the trees. Only one set of human ears heard the echo fade away. “Not by your hand.” Nick’s words were spoken almost with regret, but his face showed no emotion.

He turned to the girl, now standing. Her face too showed no emotion.

“What’s your name?” Nick asked.

“Prototype G-1A”

As I said, it was rushed, and I already see a number of tweaks I could make, and a few errors I would fix. 

But the important thing is, did I “hook” you?  Do you want to read more?  Are you curious what the deal is?  Do you wonder if Nick wears boxers or briefs?  If so moved, please let me know.

As usual, thanks for visiting and reading my stuff.


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. . .  my FP ward  . . . chieken shit.

About disperser

Odd guy with odd views living an odd life during odd times.
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11 Responses to Back On The Writing Prompt Path

  1. Well, I don’t care about boxers or briefs, particularly, but yes, I would like more please. How did G-1A know to go to him? Who is he, w hat does he do, and do you see Jeremy Renner playing him in the movie, or Sean Connery?


  2. Carissa says:

    He has never met her before, doesn’t even know if she’s human, but is willing to gun down three men on her behalf? Really?

    As to who would play him in a movie, I’m thinking Rick Perry.



    • disperser says:

      First, I would . . . the writing reflects a peculiar view I have of things. If someone threatens my life, it makes no sense for me to wait for them to act on the threat.

      You know that hero in movies? The one that lets the bad guy go even as said bad guy swears to kill not only the good guy, but his family, the town he lives in, and his dog? I ain’t him. My characters are not him either.

      But, that’s not the whole story here (yes, I had something in mind). Hence the hook. I’m hoping to flesh out my idea into a short story, but meanwhile . . . not Perry. Not an actor. If the criteria is carrying a gun, then I could play the lead.


  3. margie says:

    just say radio here i come.


  4. AnnMarie says:

    Well, you hooked my interest enough. Well done, E.


  5. Pingback: The second September short story | Disperser Tracks

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